Photorealize

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So here it is, my college recap. I put it under the more section, so those that wanted to skip it, can and just look at the pretty picture.

“You have a very, very tough road ahead of you. Because you are going to have to make it on your own. Again, that’s a bitch, but in the end it is enormously rewarding.

You have talent. I hope you put it to good use. But you seem to have only road ahead. You don’t seem to be able to take advice from others, and damn sure don’t seem to be able to work for others. Again, neither could I. So I know what you  are going to have to do. It will be tough. I sincerely believe you’ll be able to do it. But you will be very, very frustrated at times.

Good luck in all that you do. Just remember, in the end it is all worth it. And don’t ever let anyone take your dreams away from you. Do it your way.”

I assume you are aware that the Oracle of Delphi said simply, “To thine own self be true…”  That is the only meaningful lesson in life. Don’t ever let anyone talk you out of it. But be willing to pay the price.

This was a recap from my teacher at the end of my flux experience, which I graduated still ringing through my head. Every thing he said is true, is still ringing in my head and is why I am where I am today.

I know with Graduation you should be excited. I guess I am. It’s a whole new adventure. While I was working at Lunar there was always the no degree specter hanging over my head. It was my stated reason for staying in Eugene, a city I love to hate. It was what I was always going to do. Then I did, or I guess I have. I went back to College and graduated from the UO with a double major in Philosophy and Religious Studies and a 2.80 GPA. I have no more specter now. Life is full of options limited only by time and my drive. I should be ecstatic, but I guess with graduation came a large since of loss and the thing referred to by the existentialists as Dread or the experience of my freedom and responsibility.

With Graduation comes a loss of many of my personal relationships. I won’t go into it too much here, but it feels weird to have so many of my friends move away, and then to have me move away from the rest. I didn’t get that during high school since a lot of my friends had already graduated, and the others just stayed in town. This new loss is compounded by my choice of career paths.

I have stated before that Photography for me isn’t something I choose, but something that choose me. It’s not something I can’t not do for better or worse. Being stubborn, that’s all I want to do then. Why spend 40 hours a week doing something you hate and spend the rest trying to make up for it? So here I am in what is being trumpeted as a dying industry. Alot of people are pointing to Video, to remake photojournalists as visual story tellers instead. The problem is, that it’s not the telling of stories that has me, it’s the medium itself. It may seem odd, but I don’t take pictures because I want to tell a story or express my self/world view, I take pictures, and what happens is that I express myself/world view and tell stories. I could learn a different medium, and I am, but it doesn’t have much more of an allure to me than does design, web design, writing, audio, or other mediums I have tried in the past. So that’s been on my mind alot.

Thinking about this also lead to my photographic weaknesses. I am really bad at putting together a body of work. Good at singles, Not bad at telling an event, but stringing together an entire body of work has been an effort for me. That has lead to me not really having any photo essays in my portfolio.

Graduation has also made me think about my professional development, about this blog. I write for my mother to keep her satisfied with being included in my life, and I try to express what I am feeling to center myself and my photographic work. More often than not my doubts and uncertainty are expressed here. I wonder, after reading this if this will get me un-hired. I have always taken the attitude of, “If they don’t like that about me, chances are I didn’t want to work with them anyways” kind of attitude, but I wonder if that is the best approach. In this market, can I really afford to get un-hired? Should I stop experimenting in this blog? I am going to de-link it from my portfolio, but still, it is literally a google search away. I view putting this, and myself, out there as an important part of my development as a photographer, I just hope that the people who stumble across this keep that in mind.

With all this I think I am starting to understand the why the quote “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” was a warning, and not a blessing. I used to think it would be amazing, getting swept away in a grand adventure would be something to be desired. To a certain extent it is, but now I am starting to see all the things you leave behind for it, and the pain at it’s parting. I am going ahead anyways though, to work and see things anew, because I have already failed to keep my feet about me. I just hope where I am being swept off to is what I dream it to be.